SOS SOS I see the light on the horizon

Is it possible to live your whole life slightly less than content?

I have a lovely daughter, a secure job (if that is even possible today) and so far I have my health. But still, still, still, I look to the horizon. Like a castaway on an island so far from land...I look, I think I see the blinking light of a saviour ship, and I swim..... just when I reach the break, the highest, strongest, roughest waves, I let the first few beat me down, then I turn back to the safety of the island that I have known for sooooooo long. I know the nooks and crannies of my island, I know the coconuts, the palms, the banyans... and it is a beautiful place, an amazing place, but it is lonely and I wonder about the blinking ship. I want the blinking ship...how do I reach it? How do I get past the break??? How do I trust in my own self enough to make it through the rough tide? AND am I scared to death where the ship will take me...???? of course I am!

I am too young for a mid-life crisis, and too old for a quarter-life crisis... what gives.. does anyone else ever come up for a breath and think...WTF, is this it?

I will keep you posted on my journey... for now I am just practicing the swimming and working on holding my breath a little longer every day... training for the voyage...